Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
