Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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