He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
