Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
