she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My cat gives me a boner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
