did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the day after is always just damage control
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
