we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
