Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
