I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
