i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
