why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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