please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
