i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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