I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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