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basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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