Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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