I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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