FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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