I think I won the penis lottery.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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