The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
