So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
