go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
should my penis look like a turkey
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
