??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
