Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
