do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
