you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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