clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
