I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
