I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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