New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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