he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
