if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
