**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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