You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
