Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
