It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
