Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
