I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He shit in the fireplace
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
