i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
