i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
