Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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