Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
