I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
