its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
two words: eviction party
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
