She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
