Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
