Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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