Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
