The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
