I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
