video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
