I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
