I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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