worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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