I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
