I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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