I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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