I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
