i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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