I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
