i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
