I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
