Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
