The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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