I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
