whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
