She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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