Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
