ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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