Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
